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To see if this is the case, I recently conducted a study, along with two of my students, Agata Janiszewska and Leslie Zabala, to check on the frequency that each sex wanted to either be asked out, or wanted to do the asking, and the actual number of times each sex had done so in the last year.

We administered an online survey to 87 heterosexuals (31 males, 55 females), most of whom were undergraduate college students (Mills, Janiszewska & Zabala, 2011).

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As noted in the histogram, a great majority of the women, 93%, preferred to be asked out -- only 6% perferred to do the asking.

The majority of men preferred to do the asking, 83%, while 16% preferred to be asked out on a date.

In the film "When Harry Met Sally" Harry makes a risky initiative that Sally finds offensive, so he says "I take it back." Sally replies: "You can't take it back, it is already out there." First time risky initiatives are especially salient because the initiator has no previous history of acceptance by the target person.Because the response to the initiation is uncertain, Farrell (1986, p 126) noted: "The 'first time' is the most important time, when the risk of rejection is by far the greatest."Nonverbal Proceptive Signaling In contrast, proceptive relationship initiation signals are typically open to various interpretations. Robinson gives proceptive nonverbal signals to her daughter's friend Ben, who says: "You are trying to seduce me, Mrs. " (italics added) The potential ambiguity of proceptive signals leaves the signaler less open to direct personal rejection since such initiations can be seen as either an initiation, or as just very friendly behavior.Monica Moore (1985; 2002) has catalogued a variety of nonverbal proceptive behaviors, including smiling, brief glances, raising of the eye brows, hair flips, drawing attention to attractive parts of the body, etc.The first method has been termed a "risky initiative" (Farrell, 1986), the latter nonverbal flirting behaviors are often called "proceptive behaviors" (Moore, 1985; 2002).First Time Risky Relationship Initiatives First time risky initiatives are direct and unambiguous requests that have not been made previously, and that will either be clearly accepted or rejected.

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